Learning to Walk
Life, truly, does not slow down. The past month has left me in a tizzy. As I type this out I recognize it’ll likely sound a bit like a journal entry, when in all honesty I haven’t decided what this blog’s function should be. An opportunity to gain insights on who this odd ball crocodilian lady is, perhaps. Or perhaps a means to let you, dear reader and maybe potential client, know if your product or story is one I can easily sell or tell based on what you find in these blogs that I resonate, identify, or struggle with on the daily. This ponderance is one of many reasons this entry is titled Learning to Walk.
The wonderful coach who trained me recently reached out to congratulate me on the how the demos, found here on the site, sound. I replied to express my gratitude and where I am at now in this venture, and how I feel like a certain princess from a 1989 animated film, who started out as a mermaid and was magically granted legs so she could fulfill her wish to live on land. When you finally see her reach land it’s obvious that just having legs doesn’t make walking instinctual. Same feels true for starting a business. You can wish for it, dream it, plan it, but the second you make it reality doesn’t mean you’re fully ready to run. So here I am, learning to walk the manage-a-business-walk. All while all the things that were in motion before this point continue to abide by laws of inertia, despite such things not being physical objects bound to the laws of physics. Things like work, car payments, life-milestones, etc.
In the last entry I mentioned that this has been my super-secret-side-project that I have only been forthwith about to my partner, one side of his family, and two coworkers. This is still the case. Until I can say I have turned a profit and this business is well on its way to paying the bills I want to avoid potential negative (albeit likely well-meaning concern) input from voices that bear weight or stern judgement. As life events are unfolding and pulling at my attention, time, and finances, however, the desire to unfurl the truth and express that I need support and help from those around me, grows.
Joy and celebration are right around the corner as one of my parents hits a milestone birthday and one of my siblings is soon to be wed. Tension, anxiety, and dread loom over these events, though. Drama surrounds the wedding as is par for the course, while a family member’s health is looking grave. The consequences of their ill health are beyond what I know they will reconcile before it is too late. And so I am planning and preparing for that eventuality and the next. I am saving to buy a home, saving for my own wedding day, working full time, and operating this super-secret-side-project.
All of these things were going on and in motion more than a month ago. Long before I started my voice over journey, established a business, or built this site. Now only feels different because many of these events draw near. While simultaneously Crocodilian Audio is gaining some exciting traction. Hence the pulling of the attention and time, and hence the tizzy.
As I said at the start, I am not sure yet what I want the function of this blog space to be and right now it feels very much like a journal entry. Like many business owners I have fantastical dream of my lovely logo-dile and I getting big. Like many news watchers, though, I am aware that sometimes the cost of getting big is the loss of humility. I suspect my dreams for my logo-dile and I are aptly categorized in the fantasy section of my mind. Nevertheless, these entries might best serve to remind both you and I of who the odd ball crocodilian lady was at the start of this journey, illustrate who the human is behind these templates, and keep us all mindful of the pace at which life is moving.
It doesn’t slow down, even if you have wobbly legs, even if you’re just learning to walk. That said, grant yourself the patience for the time it takes to learn and one day you will run. Grant yourself the time to pause, sit down, and take it all in and one day you will find calm.
Dream, be grateful, and stay humble.
-Cait O.